VivelL

Photo Album

2011-10-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

I have a photo album , it contain many of memory ..
In fact a lot of memory ,
Many of Happy moment.
Many of Unforgetable moment .
Many of Weird moment .
Many of Memory of my friends .
Yet it also contain many of sad moment , unchangeable past , regreted act ..
It's not the photo itself that contain those "Bad" things ..
It just seeing those photos make me laugh about "our" past , and sad about why it become such miserable state now ..

I keep ask myself , why we can be so cheerful in the past , and become less and less contact now ..
Why ??
I don't know , or maybe i would rather say i choose to "not know".
I really hope we like our past self that hang out together , laugh together , enjoy the moment of together .
Yet , deep down in my heart i know that it won't happen anymore .
It's just a foolish hope .

Asking to MUCH ??

2011-10-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

Am I asking to much ? I keep asking this question to myself ..
I only ask u to complete your Duty , is it to much ?
I only ask u to text me about your wedding , is it to much ?
I only ask u to reply me when i congrat u about your wedding , is it to much ?
I only ask u to let me know more about u , is it to much ?
I only ask u to let me know about your problem , is it to much ?
I only ask u to be friendly to me , is it to much ?
I only ask u understand me , is it to much ?
Maybe what i ask is really to much for u all ..
I'm so sorry ..

Unending Sorrow

2011-10-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

Don't know why ..
But for the first in my life , this "Bad Mood" seems to last longer than the usual ..
So many doubts, even my heart can't decide that who is my friend and who is juz "be friend" ..
Really don't know .. it just seems that they are so far for me to grab them ..
Maybe i'm too sensitive but it seems that i am really just "Not important person" for them .
Is it my fault ? is so where is the "fault" ? i want to know what the"fault" is ?
I don't what to stay in this Doubtful situation any longer .. it really draining my will ..
Or maybe i just have to give up in this friendship , but i really want us continue to be friend .
It's really hard just by trying by yourself ..
Maybe the other was already "give up" on me ..
so they don't want to continue with me again ..
It's just I am really tired , my heart is tired , my mind is tired ..
Tired of guessing "do you mean it", will you really do it ..
Maybe all this is my fault , it is just my fault ..
Mayb I'm too passive , too silent , too invisible , too sensitive , too weak , unpopular , a person that hard to make decision. maybe just like 1 of my friend told I'm too "chingchae" ..
Chingchae about everything , It's not that I don't have thought for myself , It's just that whenever , wherever , whoever I'm with , i just want them to be happy , It's because I put their needs first .

So much things that bottled up in my mind , Don't know much longer i can hold it .
Just don't know for how long i have to hold on this "Uncertain Friendship" .
If they really don't want to have any connection with me just say so to me .
It's better to really let me Really Pain for while , than let me always continue pain .

If friendship alone can really cause so much pain , I really don't have guts to search for "love", I really can die from broken heart .